Last night was different. I realized that due to some issues i’ve been going through lately I won’t be able to continue working at my seasonal job because I didn’t get some stuff done that I needed to. It’s totally my fault, I just never got down to business, and did what I had to do.
I’ve just been so mind fucked lately. I get home from my regular job, which is HELL for me. I have people all day long not respecting me, no help from my superiors in order to get that respect, I have no break from 11:04 until 4:00PM, and I deal with about 30 people at a time, I can’t even go to the restroom! IT SUCKS!!! So there I am frustrated, angry, and hungry because my “lunch” is at 10:15 am!! Or so they call it, then I have no breaks at all after that point, and I know so many people have it way worse than I do, but I don’t think i’ve ever had it so bad, at a job i’ve held before, so it’s really bringing me down, and it’s sad because I use to like my job before this year.
So I get out of work with no desire to see anyone, do anything, or be anything really, and I have to go to get physical therapy at a clinic in the next town over, because I was involved in a car crash about 2 months ago. I’m actually really lucky, I was in the back seat of the vehicle in the process of putting on my seatbelt, and before i could pull the strap down, I heard the driver say “UH OH” I turned to look at him, and we were already sideways, I grabbed onto the head rest of the passenger’s seat, and we flipped I hit myself, passed out for a few moments, then a friend close by pulled me out of the crash, and I was on my feet, slightly passed out but standing. So I know i could have died or worse ended up paralyzed had I hit the roof of the vehicle in any other manner, but I did end up with a few hernia’s and according to the doctor it is due to the crash, so now i must be going to therapy.
So when I make it home for work, I’m so mind fucked after dealing with work, then the drive and traffic to therapy then back home another 30 minute drive, I make it home about 6 or 6:30 PM. At this point all I want to do it eat, and take a nap which i’m now in the habit of, since I was on heavy meds for awhile and now i’m in the habit of sleeping, or i’d sit and watch a tv show, then sleep. But either way this is basically why it seems I won’t be working at my seasonal job. Like I said it is my fault i’ve had a little over a month to do these webinar training about (23 hours total), but I just never could, it’s my fault i fully accept that like I said. It’s part circumstances, but mostly me.
And So now, here I am about to quit my regular job in December, and now without a job to fall back on to start in January. And I don’t know what to do at this point. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. So i’ll leave you with that, if anyone is out there give me an idea or two.
So I’ve been going through something for the past few weeks really. I can’t really describe it. I’ve been looking online like a maniac to help me through all of this, but really how does one know, what is real and what is not, with all of the information out there, and I’ve come to a conclusion that seems well insane!!! So I think i’ll hold off for it until, another post before I scare y’all off.
See I think I’ve been going through my dark night of the soul, for awhile if you believe in such things, I literally felt like nothing is there, like no one cares, and my nothing and no one I mean God. Goddess. Them. They. He. She. It. Us. ME. I don’t know it’s all so fucking confusing, who really knows what is true.
I wasn’t always so confused, I used to know- not believe that God was up there, but now I don’t know. I think God is a She not a he as most religions would have us believe- well most modern religions.
Well now for months, i’ve been going back and forward between yes there is a God, no there is not a God. Yes there is a Goddess, no there is not a Goddess. Maybe it’s a bunch of them, like in Rome and Egypt, which could also be true, and honestly I came to the conclusion long ago before i started going crazy, that there is only one God/Jesus just sometimes he misbehaves and that is when he is being “The Devil” which I also have never thought to be a bad guy like the bible paints him out to be.
So I could probably go on forever about this confusion, but I think I’ll stop here and tell you why I’ve decided to start this blog. Really it’s for me to keep my sanity. I need to know whats up and keep a progress journal of what is happening to me. For weeks i’ve been dreaming of my work, except for a few days ago. I started doing a open eyes hypnosis thing for Lucid dreaming and i’ve started gaining control of my dreams, i’ve always been able to walk into the dreams of others, now my ability is progressing. It’s awesome!! But anyways i’m finally regaining control of my dreams again to a point.
Last night I said I wanted to see what the ancient bathing rituals were like for The Sacred Temple Priestess from so long ago, which i’ve come to the conclusion I was once upon a time, and i’ll explain why that is later on. but the night I did I was visited again by different beings, I can hear them speaking to me while I am half asleep, half awake, their voices are clear, loud, and they say things to me that most of the time don’t make sense at all. Sometimes they are in voices I recognize to be my friends or family and at times voices I don’t recognize at all.
Well the night before last one of those unrecognizable voices said “Wake up, Aphrodite.” “Wake up, Aphrodite.” It was never angry, nor did it sound violent, but it did sound self assured, and stern. The voice sounded strong, and calming it was comforting and I’d dare even say loving. I said “I would” I awoke and i kept hearing the voice, something tells me it was Zeus talking to me, I don’t know why, but I feel it. I welcome him, to teach me and show me what he has for me. I welcome it.
All the following day I felt great, I even had people at work say they saw me different, happier, that my eyes sparkled, and I kid you not I even had a few people say I looked more attractive. So I’m wondering whats up. I liked the feeling and the attention. Then last night like I mentioned I said I want to learn what the bathing rituals were for the sacred temple prostitutes so long ago, because I feel that by remembering this I’ll be able to help me here, now to improve everything.
And I dreamt with them, I dreamt that there were 3 women one older dressed in bright orange and gold, they welcomed me took my clothes off expect for my underwear, they showed me were one of the other girls the younger one, took a man into one of the rooms next to where we were, where they will be with him. I left my car outside of the building, and my cellphone was charging. I was worried throughout the dream of my ex-boyfriend who i did have some contact with in the dream through my phone. I laid down on the floor which was on a slight slant down as water was poured on me by the older lady, and it ran over my body, to cleanse me to prepare me for what was to come.
Then I awoke, feeling with a desire to know more, to explore more, and to grow with this. I need improvement, I want and am ready for improvement. So i’m adopting the nickname Aphrodite and alter-ego of Aphrodite for this journey.